The Negative Impact of Walking on Eggshells Around Your Child
If you find yourself walking on eggshells around your kiddo, you’re not alone. I hear this often from parents. I also have quite the history of walking on eggshells myself — trying to say the right thing, do the right thing, be the right thing at the right time in an attempt to prevent a bad reaction from someone else. You know what I mean?
It’s understandable to want to avoid the fight, power struggle or rejection that can come when you say or do the “wrong” thing around your kid. But there are unintended consequences to thinking we can control another person’s behavior by walking on eggshells. In short, walking on eggshells puts you in a defensive stance, which gets in the way of connecting with your child the way you want and makes them less likely to talk to you.
This may seem like the opposite of what it feels like, but your child doesn’t want to be in charge! They don’t want to drive the mood at home. It’s a very insecure and scary position for them. Yes, even your teenager!
I invite you to imagine how an anchor tethers a boat, even when it thrashes on the waves or is blown by the wind. When you walk on eggshells, you are jumping in the boat with your child and getting caught in the storm. Instead,your child needs you to be the anchor.
It has to do with what I call your reference point. Your reference point sets the tone for your own feelings and behavior and those of your family. When you walk on eggshells, it makes your dysregulated child your reference point. It leans on them to give you stability rather than being the stable anchor for your child.
Before you jump in the boat with your child, pause, take a deep breath, and feel your own two feet on the ground. Slow your heart rate and look for an internal reference point that is within your control to help you be the anchor your child needs for their stormy seas.
For more about how to get off the eggshells, check out my Parent-Centric philosophy.
